18 July 2013 @ 06:32 pm
A Multitude of Miscellaneous Musings  
With regard to the kind soul who left their carnation on the Chair's arm for me after the consideration of Lords amendments to the Marriage (Same-Sex Couples) Bill, I would just like to say a short thank you for your kindness; it was greatly appreciated, whomsoever you are.

Secondly, I would like to ensure that all honourable and right honourable members of both houses are aware of the fact that the aforementioned bill has since gained Royal Assent and become law. I am certain I speak for all members of Her Majesty's legislature when I say that we are grateful for her speedy action of what has proven to be a somewhat surprisingly contentious issue. Perhaps now that hurdle has been passed, I should turn my attention to W.A.S.P.S and their aims once more...

On a personal note, Sir Robert your charming comments in your recent interview did not go unnoticed.

I think that is all for now. If I don't have the pleasure of seeing my dear colleagues during the summer recess, I look forward to our eventual meeting again on September 2nd.
 
 
 
 
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therealpm: annoyed[personal profile] therealpm on July 18th, 2013 06:10 pm (UTC)
Text from 07### ######

John,

I trust you have conveyed to Sir Robert that his comments re: the full moon were neither amusing, nor appropriate.

-Peter
bamfbercow: Hmmmmm[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 18th, 2013 06:16 pm (UTC)
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Peter,

In the strongest possible terms I have made it know to Sir Robert that all his comments should have been considered again before being uttered. I will, of course, pass along your concerns to him - you wouldn't happen to have any others, would you?

-John
therealpm: I don't think so[personal profile] therealpm on July 18th, 2013 06:24 pm (UTC)
Text from 07### ######

John,

he should attend more closely to his duties regarding the oversight and training of the clerks. You should not have needed to prompt one to announce the passage of the bill.

-Peter

Edited 2013-07-18 06:25 pm (UTC)
bamfbercow: posing[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 18th, 2013 06:27 pm (UTC)
Text from 078## ######

Peter,

I shall add it to the list.

Now I bid you farewell as I attempt to track down the individual who left me this flower.

-John
therealpm: Thinking[personal profile] therealpm on July 18th, 2013 06:28 pm (UTC)
Text from 07### ######

John,

is it really necessary to ascertain the identity of the culprit?

-Peter
bamfbercow: huh?[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 18th, 2013 06:32 pm (UTC)
Text from 078## ######

Peter,

Not necessary, no. It is simply that I am curious and wish to thank the person; it was a lovely gesture and one which deserves at least a thank you in return.

-John

Edited 2013-07-18 06:53 pm (UTC)
therealpm: headscratch[personal profile] therealpm on July 18th, 2013 06:56 pm (UTC)
Text from 07### ######

John,

I'm sure even you have better things to do.

-Peter
bamfbercow: Angry[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 18th, 2013 07:06 pm (UTC)
*John is outraged when he reads Peter's reply. What do you mean "even I" have better things to do?! I'll have you know that I have been remarkably busy in both the House and my constituency recently - village fetes don't open themselves, you know! Not that you would recall the stresses of serving in high office and balancing those responsibilities with those of your constituency - how long has it been since you attended parliament for anything other than a vote, Peter?*

Text 078## ######

Peter,

I intend to do so anyway.

-John

*The message sent, John storms of even more determined to discover the previous owner of the flower.*

Edited 2013-07-18 07:17 pm (UTC)
bamfbercow: Oh for goodness sake...[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 18th, 2013 07:16 pm (UTC)
*It takes John an hour to admit that he needs some help. So far he's managed to rule out Dawn as the giver of the gift and that's about it. The TV footage of the debate yielded no helpful results, and he was waiting on so many replies from fellow MPs that he'd worked himself into a funk. If only he were better at tracing spells...*

*Reluctantly he picks up his phone. He could contact Fowler, but that would mean... well, talking to Fowler and admitting that he doesn't know something. All things considered, he knows Peter; although Peter's taunting would be hard to bear, John knows it's unlikely to be exposed further than John's family and closest friends. Fowler on the other hand...*

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

I need your help.

-John

Edited 2013-07-18 07:19 pm (UTC)
therealpm: Thinking[personal profile] therealpm on July 18th, 2013 07:20 pm (UTC)
Text from 07### ######

John,

I know, but which particular aspect of your life would you prefer to tackle today? You will need to be a little more specific.

-Peter
bamfbercow: Hmmmmm[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 18th, 2013 07:22 pm (UTC)
*John recites the mantra of "At least he's not Fowler" over and over again in his mind as he replies.*

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

With a tracking charm, if you would be so kind as to oblige me this once. I'll put the kettle on for your arrival.

-John
therealpm: O U[personal profile] therealpm on July 18th, 2013 07:26 pm (UTC)
Text from 07### ######

John,

why, are you attempting to use tea leaves? No wonder you've been having difficulties! I'll be over in a few minutes.

-Peter
bamfbercow: Oh for goodness sake...[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 18th, 2013 07:29 pm (UTC)
*Tempted as he is to tersely reply, John occupies himself by setting about making a round of tea. He puts both lemonade and wine on to chill, just in case - the weather is still ghastly, after all.*
therealpm: Cup[personal profile] therealpm on July 18th, 2013 07:55 pm (UTC)
*Peter shows up (15 minutes late) in a salmon pink polo shirt and some khaki shorts. The look is not improved by the addition of boat shoes and a very large pair of sunglasses.*

Hello. Thank you.

*He accepts a glass of lemonade.*

Did you discover the identity of the mysterious lawn vandal, by the way?
bamfbercow: Hidden smirkishness[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 18th, 2013 08:00 pm (UTC)
*John settles down at his end of the sofa, a few books and papers scattered around him. He would make a comment about Peter's attire, but John himself is still in his work clothes (minus the tie and jacket) and, after all, does need Peter's help.*

A summer project, I fear.

Anyway, that isn't the reason I asked you round - would you happen to help me cast a tracking charm on the flower? I must brush up on my skill in this area, I know, but I was hoping you'd help me until then...?
therealpm: Peer[personal profile] therealpm on July 19th, 2013 04:31 pm (UTC)
*Peter gives John a look of naked disbelief and allows his voice to carry beyond the room.*

There is someone who has been carrying out summonings on parliamentary grounds over a number of months, possibly years, but you are more concerned about the identity of whoever gave you a flower.

...

*Before John can finish spluttering out a reply, the room is awash with noisy children, Peter being rather more effective at summoning John's kids than any occult being.*
bamfbercow: Blushing[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 19th, 2013 04:40 pm (UTC)
*The children put a halt to whatever half-formed reply John could put together. Eventually, after the initial welcome, the children get round to asking Peter why he's here.*

Uncle Peter is here to help me with something.

Well, Freddie, it's a bit of a mystery, you see; after a session at work, someone left a gift for me and I would like to know who left it. Uncle Peter here is rather good at this sort of thing and I was hoping that he would help me out.

Ah... no, I don't have to declare all gifts, Oliver, only those over a certain monetary value given to me in a professional capacity or where it can reasonably be assumed to appear to impact my impartiality. Since the gift clearly cost less than the amount, I don't have to declare it.

What was it? Oh, just a little something...

...Yes, Freddie. It is the flower in the hallway.

...I may have put a preserving charm on it to keep it fresh while I tracked down who was behind the gift, Oliver, yes.
therealpm: Thinking[personal profile] therealpm on July 19th, 2013 04:59 pm (UTC)
We could fetch you some new ones, you know. Perhaps from that dimension with the rather small dinosaurs? I believe The Machine still has the coordinates on file.
bamfbercow: Oh for goodness sake...[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 19th, 2013 05:04 pm (UTC)
*John's protestations are lost in the children's cheering and demanding to go to see the dinosaurs. As much as John tries to get the conversation back on track, he know it's a lost battle. He gives in and tells the children to fetch their shoes. He turns back to Peter once the children are out of the room.*

After a quick jaunt to another dimension, would you be so kind as to try a tracking charm on the flower?

*Peter doesn't have time to answer, as the children come rushing back with shoes and coats and bags.*
therealpm: A tolerable tipple[personal profile] therealpm on July 19th, 2013 06:25 pm (UTC)
*They return, several hours later, somewhat tired and out of breath after gallavanting through primeval forest in search of blossoms. Peter slumps on the sofa and directs the other wizard to fetch chilled wine.*
bamfbercow: posing[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 19th, 2013 06:37 pm (UTC)
*John and the children go through to the kitchen where they place the rather large collection of flowers in a vase. John then firmly instructs them to wash and get ready for bed, promising that if they were very good, he'd speak to Peter about getting them a bedtime story. The children rush off and leave John alone in the kitchen.*

*John checks the clock. They've been gone a long while but judging from the quietness and emptiness of the house, Sally still isn't back. John knows he shouldn't really have a drink - there has to be at least one adult capable of driving should anything untoward happen - but it is very good wine... John resolves a compromise with himself and makes a small glass of white wine spritzer to drink. He then takes it, the bottle and another glass through to the living room to Peter.*
therealpm: Cuddly[personal profile] therealpm on July 19th, 2013 06:54 pm (UTC)
*Peter has a few of his own flowers and arranges them in the glass along with the carnation, almost completely hiding it from view.*

When are you planning to head back to Buckinghamshire?
bamfbercow: posing[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 19th, 2013 06:57 pm (UTC)
I've got a surgery on Monday, so I shall probably head up at some point over the weekend, provided Sally doesn't have anything planned.

And yourself? Not jetting off to far-flung corners of the globe any time soon, are you?
therealpm: A tolerable tipple[personal profile] therealpm on July 19th, 2013 07:58 pm (UTC)
Not immediately, no.

*A few insects escape from the flowers and flit about the room. Order chases the larger ones and a few well aimed (comparatively) fireballs mop up the rest. It's thirsty work after long hours in the humid heat of a Cretaceous afternoon and he's soon refilling his wineglass.*
bamfbercow: Hidden smirkishness[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 19th, 2013 08:08 pm (UTC)
*The children come downstairs in their pajamas as John is ordering large quantities of pizza. By the time the pizza has arrived, Peter is on his third glass of wine.*

*John summons a glass and pours Sally a drink when she arrives home midway through dinner, but she declines. Instead, she steals a few slices of pizza and tells John if he doesn't drink the wine, she'll throw it out. Even with Sally's unexpected intervention, there is almost a full pizza left over for the morning. The children get a quick story out of Peter once they are full and are then ushered to bed. Sally tucks them in and heads off to her study ("these legal fees won't pay themselves!"), leaving Peter and John alone once again in the living room.*

*John pours himself a second glass of wine; with Sally home, he can afford to relax. He goes to refill Peter's glass to find the bottle all but empty. John summons a second bottle from the kitchen (too comfortable to move) and Peter gets the first glass from the new one.*

*It's only as John is pouring Peter's wine that he catches site of the glass of flowers, reminding him why Peter is here in the first place.*

Now, Peter, about this carnation...
therealpm: dazed[personal profile] therealpm on July 19th, 2013 08:17 pm (UTC)
Hmmmmmmmmm....??
bamfbercow: Hmmmmm[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 19th, 2013 08:21 pm (UTC)
The carnation, Peter, the carnation.

That someone left for me in the chamber.

The flower that we were going to track the owner of before we went to the cretaceous period and opened wine?

*John sighs*

You're in no shape to try such a complicated cast at the moment, even with me watching over you.

I simply wished to know who was kind enough to give me their flower, that's all...
therealpm: Confused[personal profile] therealpm on July 19th, 2013 08:24 pm (UTC)
*He looks moderately offended.*

Remind me of the last time you successfully completed a tracer spell, stone cold sober or otherwise?
bamfbercow: Angry[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 19th, 2013 08:37 pm (UTC)
Well I did invite you over for a reason, Peter, and it certainly wasn't for your positive impact on my ego.

All I wanted to do was to discover the original owner of the flower to thank them for their act of kindness. Merlin knows it came at just the right time... even Robert has declared open season on my character at the moment... it shouldn't be this difficult to find whoever did this, but no one seems to know anything regarding the culprit - the cameras show nothing, no one can remember seeing anything of importance... I simply hoped that a good friend of mine would take five minutes out of their day, exerting their extensive skills very little, to help me return a good deed. Instead I end up picking flowers amongst the Triceratopses...es for hours and getting drunk. Pardon me for asking for your help.

*Tirade over, John sulks into his drink.*
therealpm: Thinking[personal profile] therealpm on July 19th, 2013 08:46 pm (UTC)
On the contrary I find my impact on your ego to be wholly positive. I provide a public service.

*He sips his drink.*

Surely if the person, whoever they happened to be, wanted to be identified, they would have made it considerably easier for you to do so. Have you considered that they might have a very good reason for making themself known to you?

*Peter searches frantically for a plausible reason.*

Perhaps... perhaps they were worried you would get the wrong impression?
bamfbercow: Sad[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 19th, 2013 08:56 pm (UTC)
It's whomever, Peter, as I am sure you well know.

*Finding his glass empty again, he tops it up and takes a drink before replying.*

What wrong impression? It was clearly a kind gift to remember my involvement in the passage of a hugely important and historic piece of civil rights legislation. For obvious reasons I couldn't wear one in the chamber, but...

*John's expression falls as he considers an alternate hypothesis.*

Unless... unless I was given it as a reminder that I couldn't wear one in the chamber; that at a time of great national triumph I had to remain a bystander... that I had to compromise my convictions for my station...
therealpm: A tolerable tipple[personal profile] therealpm on July 19th, 2013 09:02 pm (UTC)
*Somewhat drunk Peter is not quite as subtle as when he has complete control of his faculties.*

That would indeed be a rather unpleasant thing for someone to do, but as all of the Tory backbenchers were no doubt still colouring in their bee badges or some other nonsense, I can't think of anyone who would go to the trouble. No, whomever it was probably just wanted to give your a souvenir. Some sort of memento.
bamfbercow: posing[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 19th, 2013 09:14 pm (UTC)
But which honourable or right honourable member would do that?

*John drinks as he thinks.*

I...I do recall Kevin Brennan talking about my previous record on the issues during the session... and Chris was there too, he's tended to go out of his way for me...
therealpm: A tolerable tipple[personal profile] therealpm on July 19th, 2013 09:19 pm (UTC)
*Peter's brain finally kicks into gear and keeps his mouth firmly closed when not engaged in sipping down more wine.*
bamfbercow: Blushing[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 19th, 2013 09:34 pm (UTC)
Unless it's someone I haven't even thought of considering...

*John looks over at Peter. The other man's jaw is clenched tightly shut, his eyes looking straight ahead, the wine glass in a vice-like grip. Why on earth is Peter so worked up about this? John thought to himself. Eventually, after much mental meandering, John reaches a startling and, if true, confusing conclusion. Access to parliament... experience with wards... knowledge of cloaking charms... previous involvement with the legislation...*

You know what, Peter? You're right. If they wished to be found they'd have let me know. The fact that they thought to do this for me implies they are more than fully aware of how much it means to me; they don't need me to thank them because they already know I am thankful - and I am. Greatly so. Whatever their reasons for not wishing their identity to be known, it would only be right of me to respect that after, especially after their generous and considerate gift.

Thank you, Peter - f-for - for helping me to see that! Thank you. For that.
therealpm: Thinking[personal profile] therealpm on July 20th, 2013 03:06 pm (UTC)
*Somewhat more relaxed, Peter refills both wine glasses and turns on the telly.*

So this mysterious intruder of yours. I take it they haven't been back recently?
bamfbercow: Blushing[personal profile] bamfbercow on July 20th, 2013 06:42 pm (UTC)
*John's still bright red and as much as he knows the wine won't help with that, he drinks it any way.*

Not that I can see - I mean, there is always the highly likely possibility that he or she has been on the estate recently, but they have not been up to their summoning tricks as far as I can ascertain from the ward records. It really is quite a mystery, but without anything else to go on I fear I shall simply have to wait for them to show up again.

Edited 2013-07-20 06:42 pm (UTC)