bamfbercow
01 May 2014 @ 08:56 am
I am sure I speak for the whole House when I wish Sir Robert all the best in his new life away from Parliament. Having spent 42 years working for the House, 10 of those being as a clerk, it is clear that a well deserved rest is in order. It has been an honour and a privilege to work alongside you for many years. Good luck, Sir Robert; you shall be missed.

For those who missed my splendid rendition of it in the House earlier, Sir Robert's resignation letter can be found here.



 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
24 April 2014 @ 09:14 am
 
*John had spotted the package on the table as he'd stumbled through the flat to get the morning's round of coffee. He'd glanced at it, curious, but upon hearing the yells from his wife for breakfast too decided that discovering the contents could wait a while. It didn't look dangerous, after all. The morning routine remained uninterrupted by the mysterious package and it wasn't until later that John even remembered it's existence. He put down the piece he was penning for a local newspaper and went to investigate. The parcel itself was simply a brown box with a note affixed to the top. John read it and smiled.*

Replacements for those destroyed in The Incident. -P

*Ah yes, The Incident. Ever since Peter had taken it upon himself to teach the children how to play Fireflies, the Bercow household had been subject to periodic test of the fire alarm among other inconveniences (John was sure that it was simply a coincidence that his most colourful ties also happened to be the most flammable). The most recent of these upsets had been The Incident.*

*While John was busy being ridiculed in the usual manner by Sally and Peter, the children had been dashing about, playing with what all adults had assumed to be harmless sparks of light. It transpired, however, that Freddie's grasp on charms was somewhat more advanced than even John had thought, and that the child had been experimenting with some of the finer points of the spell. As Sally began to tell Peter the story of John's latest failures, Freddie had flung a charm over the coffee table at his sister. The modifications he had made to the fireball had turned it from a nearly weightless ball of light to something much harder and more difficult to control. As a result, the more sold ball crashed into every object on the table, smashing the mugs and table decorations to piece and sending the pile of magazines flying in all directions. Thankfully the ball missed hitting anyone and embedded itself in a wall until Freddie's concentration was broken and it disappeared altogether.*

*Despite what he'd said at the time, John hadn't actually expected Peter to pay for replacements, certainly not after the way the other man had stormed through the fireplace and ignored all of John's attempts to get in contact with him. The gift was a nice surprise.*

*John opened the box and looked down at the three mugs staring back at him. There was no doubting for whom each mug was intended.*

*Rolling his eyes, John reached for his phone and then went to put the kettle on.*

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

Thank you for the mug. I shall let you know how well it compares once the current test of its abilities has reached a conclusion.

-John
 

 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
11 April 2014 @ 11:51 am
 

*John had considered texting Peter his apologies the previous evening, but had ultimately thought better of it. By the time Chris had left - after dinner and a number of Parliament stories to the children which had them drifting off to sleep suspiciously quickly - John had wanted nothing more than to climb in to bed and try to sleep. As such, John didn't get around to talking to Peter until the following morning.*

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

Thank you for the tactful way you handled last night.

If you aren't busy any time soon, perhaps we could attempt to have that drink again?

-John

*Not expecting a reply for a good few hours (if at all - Peter was in the habit of just appearing at John's home without warning from time to time), John got himself ready for work. Yesterday was a big day, for Nigel personally but also for a great deal of the man's colleagues as well. It was going to take a while to get past the lingering awkwardness.*
 

 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
10 April 2014 @ 07:19 pm
I am sure that everyone has seen the news by now. If not, I will direct you in this location.

I hope all honourable and right honourable members will treat Nigel with the respect he deserves.

Please ignore the donations scandal behind the curtain...
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
11 February 2014 @ 10:29 pm
We have a new addition to the Bercow household - out dear Shelley! Shelley is already fitting in well with the rest of the family, as we hope shall remain the case for a good long while.
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
05 February 2014 @ 09:21 am
 
*Another day and another slew of "news stories" about his marriage to Sally. John really shouldn't be surprised by it now, but he is - how difficult is it for the media at large to understand that his marriage to Sally is of note only to himself and to Sally; whatever works for us is for us and us alone to worry about. Why is that so difficult for them to grasp? And while not all the stories are negative, it does not change the very simple fact that the state of his marriage is not - or at the very least, should not - be worthy of being splashed across newspaper front page after newspaper front page.*

*After he'd returned from having curry with Ken Clarke and Sally had finished her twitter spat with Owen Jones the previous evening, Sally had sat him down and shown him some of the positive comments made about him on twitter. He'd been particularly fond of Louise Mensch's comments and retelling of a certain Autumn Statement incident. He couldn't help but beam with pride at Zac Goldsmith's remark, as well as all the follow up comments in agreement.*

*All that was left for him to do now was to try and remember those words of encouragement rather than red-top headlines when the almost inevitable jibes at Prime Minister's Questions this afternoon...*


 
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
19 January 2014 @ 05:40 am
*John woke up, groggily yawning  rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked over to the alarm clock on his bedside table and saw the time was 5:30. Reminding himself that it was his birthday, John rolled over, preparing to go back to sleep. Just as he had made himself comfortable again, the events of the previous evening came back to him. There was a brief still moment as John mentally ran through the events at Peter's house and then after.*

...shit.

*As quickly as he could, John sprang from the bed and dashed to the fireplace. Praying to Merlin that Peter was still asleep and hadn't seen the bottle, John ran through the fireplace and into Peter's livingroom. Thankfully, the bottle was still on the coffee table where he had left it. John grabbed the drink and turned to go back through the fireplace.*

 
 
 
 
bamfbercow

FROM:John Bercow <BERCOWJ@parliament.uk>
TO:Members of the House of Commons;
CC:Staff of the House of Commons; Parliamentary Staff;
BCC: 
SUBJECT:The First Deputy Chairman of Ways and Means










Dear colleagues,

While I am sure that you are all aware by now, the election for the position of the First Deputy Chairman of Ways and Means has now been concluded. Of the seven honourable members from the Conservative benches that put themselves forward for consideration, the successful candidate was the Honourable Member for Epping Forest, Eleanor Laing MP. It goes without saying that I hope all honourable and right honourable members treat Mrs Laing with the respect she deserves. We in the Speaker's office look forward to working with her.

Commiserations to the unsuccessful participants in the election.

Sincerely,

John Bercow
Speaker of the House of Commons

----------------------------
John Bercow MP
House of Commons
Westminster
London
SW1A 0AA
020 7219 6346

 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
11 September 2013 @ 12:49 pm
FROM:John Bercow <BERCOWJ@parliament.uk>
TO:Members of the House of Commons;
CC:Staff of the House of Commons; Members of the House of Lords; Parliamentary Staff;
BCC: 
SUBJECT:Nigel Evans MP










Dear colleagues,

For those not present in the chamber earlier today this email is to confirm the resignation of the Member of Parliament for the Ribble Valley as First Deputy Chairman of Ways and Means and his return to the backbench without seeking the Conservative Party whip. The honourable member's personal statement made after this week's session of Prime Minister's Questions will be available in Hansard shortly.

As was said in the chamber, Nigel has been an exemplary, competent, fair and good humoured member of the Speakership team. He is also a loyal and hugely valued Member of the House.

I trust that all honourable and right honourable members will keep in mind when considering passing comment on Nigel and his conduct that his case is sub judice and that due process must take place.

Sincerely,

John Bercow
Speaker of the House of Commons

----------------------------
John Bercow MP
House of Commons
Westminster
London
SW1A 0AA
020 7219 6346

 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
15 August 2013 @ 06:00 pm
I am aware that this story is a few days old but I wished to bring the decision to everyone's attention as it related to House business.

I have halted the trial of the additional camera set up as it is too costly and impinges on the ability of members to work in the chamber.
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
11 August 2013 @ 07:37 pm
Home at last after a very successful Parliamentary global outreach tour. I know that it has caused some controversy but I am confident that it has helped improve relations between Parliaments and people across the world.

On a side note, these rumours that I intend to stand aside for Mayor Johnson midway through the next Parliament so he can cause a leadership election in the Conservative Party, forcing the Prime Minister and the Chancellor out of their roles are totally unfounded. It is entirely for the Conservative Association of Buckingham to decide whomsoever they wish to select to fight for the Conservative Party at the by-election in 2017/18.
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
18 July 2013 @ 06:32 pm
With regard to the kind soul who left their carnation on the Chair's arm for me after the consideration of Lords amendments to the Marriage (Same-Sex Couples) Bill, I would just like to say a short thank you for your kindness; it was greatly appreciated, whomsoever you are.

Secondly, I would like to ensure that all honourable and right honourable members of both houses are aware of the fact that the aforementioned bill has since gained Royal Assent and become law. I am certain I speak for all members of Her Majesty's legislature when I say that we are grateful for her speedy action of what has proven to be a somewhat surprisingly contentious issue. Perhaps now that hurdle has been passed, I should turn my attention to W.A.S.P.S and their aims once more...

On a personal note, Sir Robert your charming comments in your recent interview did not go unnoticed.

I think that is all for now. If I don't have the pleasure of seeing my dear colleagues during the summer recess, I look forward to our eventual meeting again on September 2nd.
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
10 July 2013 @ 06:52 pm
 
*When Freddie first pointed it out to him, John didn't quite get what he was looking at - to him, the marks on the ground just looked like old grass in need of a bit of water. It wasn't until the child opened up some computer program or other and drew a few lines on top of the image that John realised what he was actually looking at.*

A summoning circle?!

Yes... w-well spotted, Freddie. Thank you.

*John wasn't entirely sure why but his first instinct was to yell at Peter. Remembering how well going with his instincts had served him in the past, John opted to text the Lord instead.*

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

Have you got a minute? I need a second opinion on something and your expertise would be much appreciated.

-John
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
07 July 2013 @ 06:58 pm
YES!  
He's done it!

*Celebrates in a manner which, should the tabloids see, would be deemed "inappropriate for the office of Speaker".*

*Thankfully the Andy Murray's historic victory overshadows some more personal and pressing matters closer to home.*
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
22 June 2013 @ 06:01 pm
Four years in the Speaker's chair today! Oh goodness me how time flies when one is having such fun.

Here's to a good few more at the very least.

*Knocks back a glass of expensive wine to celebrate*
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
Dear colleagues,

In light of recent events, security will be tightened across the Parliamentary estate.

That is all.

-John
 
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
13 May 2013 @ 03:02 pm
Colleagues should be made aware that I am in the course of deliberating the pros and cons of selecting the particular amendment I know has been causing such a stir at the moment. Should it be selected, the debate would be held on Wednesday, whether or not the Prime Minister is there to participate in the proceedings.

I apologise for the delay, but personal matters have kept me rather busy at the moment.
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
04 May 2013 @ 09:18 pm
Public discussion of ongoing police investigations can lead to libel cases.

I should know, I'm paying for one...

I trust all honourable and right honourable members will use their common sense in relation to communications connected to any aspect of current cases.