26 December 2015 @ 06:29 pm

*Opens another bottle of wine*
28 May 2015 @ 07:30 pm
I would just like to say to you bastards members both new and ancient old a sincere fuck thank you for the stupid, inconsiderate and downright deplorable manner in which the recent and early catastrophes debates and self-congratulatory masturbatory soliloquies discussions in the House have been conducted.

After an initial display of arrogant ignorance and entirely misplaced self-importance bump, it is good to know that the Scottish invasion forces are far more bark than bite we are once again doing as I say on the same page and working together effectively as it should be since I am in fact the sodding Speaker.

Are we going to able to continue this tense and unpleasant amicable exchange of pompous bullshit discourse uninterrupted? I am enough of a cynic realist to accept that that will not be the case, but it is my misplaced sincere hope that the majority of the interactions which take place within the Chamber can be not a complete waste of my time fruitful and cooperative. Any assistance that honourable and right honourable members can provide by doing exactly as I say and not behaving like jumped-up school children on their first night away from home to this end would be expected greatly appreciated by not just myself but, I am sure, by members throughout the whole house.

Fuck the lot of you.