bamfbercow
10 April 2013 @ 04:37 pm
My thoughts on the recent news.

Thus far the conduct of those in the chamber has been sufficiently respectful, while at the same time expressing their deeply held views on such a divisive premier. The courtesy from those who were the Baroness's biggest critics in the chamber have been a credit to the House, to Parliament in total and the nation in general.

I am sure all our thoughts are with her family and friends in this difficult time.

...Damnit, who spoke to the press?

*John sobs into his tea and opens another packet of biscuits.*
 
 
 
 
bamfbercow
18 February 2012 @ 06:24 pm
 
Another complete and utter non-story doing the rounds, but it is nice to be back at home.
 
 
bamfbercow
17 February 2012 @ 10:00 am

*Surrounded by packets of Jaffa Cakes and half-empty mugs of tea, Bercow - clad in a pink bathrobe with tea stains down the front - snores loudly, a red envelope with the word "Sally" written across it clutched in his hand*
*Bercow murmurs in his sleep and begins to turn restlessly until he sits bolt upright, fully awake*

Sally!

*He looks around the room, but Sally isn't there - in Wales with the children visiting Paddy, he remembers. John falls back onto the bed and realises he's still holding the Valentine's Day card he didn't get to give his wife before he flew off to give speeches.*
*John picks up his phone and checks through Sally's Twitter feed then goes to put the kettle on. Without thinking, he slips the card into the pocket of his dressing gown and heads off to the kitchen area of the hotel room to make another pot.*

 
 
bamfbercow
20 August 2011 @ 05:10 pm
(Befuddle Invisible Sugar Changing Unwanted Interventionist Trick)



Method One: Chopsticks
Result: Far too tricky and biscuit-to-rice cake transmogrification very likely given tendency to drop biscuits and automatically try and stop it falling on the floor. Method unsuitable.



Method Two: Fork
Result: Easier than chopsticks but large pieces of biscuit result in rice cake. Small pieces too tricky to pick up and attempts to pierce biscuits with fork produce crumbs. Method unsuitable.



Method Three: Cereal
Result: Magic not fooled by presence of bowl and milk. A bowl full of soggy rice cakes is not biscuits. Method unsuitable.



Method Four: Sharing with children and tricking them into feeding me biscuits
Result: Jemima ate all the biscuits. Method unsuitable.



Method Five: Levitation

Result: Large pieces lead to rice cakes but once broken into small pieces with the rolling pin the problem is resolved. Method suitable.
 
 
Current Mood: satisfied