01 May 2014 @ 08:56 am
I am sure I speak for the whole House when I wish Sir Robert all the best in his new life away from Parliament. Having spent 42 years working for the House, 10 of those being as a clerk, it is clear that a well deserved rest is in order. It has been an honour and a privilege to work alongside you for many years. Good luck, Sir Robert; you shall be missed.

For those who missed my splendid rendition of it in the House earlier, Sir Robert's resignation letter can be found here.

15 August 2013 @ 06:00 pm
I am aware that this story is a few days old but I wished to bring the decision to everyone's attention as it related to House business.

I have halted the trial of the additional camera set up as it is too costly and impinges on the ability of members to work in the chamber.
Dear colleagues,

In light of recent events, security will be tightened across the Parliamentary estate.

That is all.

10 April 2013 @ 04:37 pm
My thoughts on the recent news.

Thus far the conduct of those in the chamber has been sufficiently respectful, while at the same time expressing their deeply held views on such a divisive premier. The courtesy from those who were the Baroness's biggest critics in the chamber have been a credit to the House, to Parliament in total and the nation in general.

I am sure all our thoughts are with her family and friends in this difficult time.

...Damnit, who spoke to the press?

*John sobs into his tea and opens another packet of biscuits.*
31 August 2012 @ 10:34 am
*John is woken by his phone buzzing next to his ear. Having had it switched off for most of the holiday, he is unused to the alarm and nearly falls out of bed. He checks the message. Peter's fine, it would seem, if a little grumpy, but interior decoration does that on occasion.*

*John stretches and tries not to wake Sally up as he gets out of bed. A cup of tea later and John is sitting, typing away at the laptop Sally left open and on - even in her sleep she can't stand her infernal gadgets being switched off - to get the day's news. He looks up what happened regarding the situation in Regent's Park the previous night.*

*The details are few and far between but John gets the gist of the story - a wolf (a giant one in some interpretations) attacked two people in the Park. Both are hospitalized and the outlook is bleak. John reads the details of the injuries. An expert on wild animal attacks he is not, but even to him the list of broken bones and bashed-in skulls seem too much for a lone wolf. A bear, perhaps, but not a wolf. Unless it was a very large wolf.*

A large wolf... a large wolf...

*Suddenly, a thought strikes him.*

No. No, it couldn't possibly... that's ridiculous, John. There haven't been wild werewolves in London for decades.

*John tries to put the thought to the back of his mind. He opens up the BBCNews website and a particular story grabs his interest.*

A fire? Most odd... I shall have to speak to Black Rod when I get back...

*Despite trying his best to ignore the growing feeling of unease by distracting himself with the news items of less immediate importance, John cannot resist testing his theory. A quick Google search shows him the phases of the moon. Tonight is the full moon. All of a sudden, things seem a lot more serious.*

Oh dear...

*He quickly grabs his phone and sends a text to every witch and wizard he has in his contact book.*

Text from 078## ######

Arriving back from holiday later today and request an urgent meeting with all magical folk in or able to get back to London this morning. Preliminary research has indicated the possibility of a lycanthropic outbreak in the city.


*The message sent, John hurriedly sets about packing his things away and getting ready to head back to London by himself. If there really is a werewolf running around London he doesn't want his family anywhere near the city.*
17 July 2012 @ 07:24 pm ring in the summer recess.

13 July 2012 @ 06:41 pm
The House will sit on Monday and Tuesday and then go into recess until Monday 3rd September 2012.

I discussed the summer recess as well as many other issues regarding Parliament and politics with Radio 1 earlier, for any and all that are interested in such matters.
09 May 2012 @ 08:58 am
It's almost time - I had better get my official robes ready...

I trust that I shall see you all there in due course.
09 January 2012 @ 06:19 pm
Early to bed for the Commons sits again tomorrow (at last)!

What's that, Oliver? No, you can't stay up all night to celebrate - you have school tomorrow!


Your-your show airs tonight, does it dear? Well, well that's, um, well it's certainly...

*opens bottle of wine*
I do believe I have just about managed to persuade my son that his own throne is more than adequate for conducting his birthday business and does not need to sit in the chair of the House. He did look rather sweet with a blanket wrapped around him pretending it was a robe, though, I must say. He also seemed to enjoy his presents and after a busy day in the chamber I can look forward to jelly and ice-cream covered children running about the place as I attempt constituency work.
05 September 2011 @ 09:22 am

My wife is parading round on a television show despite my best efforts, and given that it's the first day back I need you to look after the children. Oh, and by the way, Freddie's turned into a fox and is hiding under the car.

19 July 2011 @ 08:32 pm
While today in the chamber was of a higher standard than has been seen recently - well done indeed Mr Gove - what happened in the Culture, Media and Sport Select Committee was totally unacceptable.

I do hope everyone is looking forward to the extra day tomorrow - I know my wife most certainly is given how well we get on when we're not spending time together. I would have made a statement about the extra day but it seemed to superfluous given comments made by the Prime Minister - for once he was right. On a completely unrelated note I do wish the Prime Minister the best of luck tomorrow given how busy he will be.
 Ah, come about 9 o'clock tonight it will be two years in the Speaker's chair, although I don't quite subscribe to Sally's view of my election victory - I think it was more than the impression 'wot won it', so to speak. I do rather like the badge though, but I fear it may not be deemed appropriate attire for the chamber.
Current Mood: nostalgic
23 May 2011 @ 05:31 pm
Would someone, ideally from the government benches, be so kind as to remind the Secretary of State for Education that he is in fact a Secretary of State meaning he is no longer a member of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition and thus has to answer questions about the policy of the government and not make accusations and speculations about the conduct of the opposite benches while at the despatch box? A reminder to face the chamber during debates and to be succinct in his retorts would also not go amiss and more than likely save a great deal of time in the House if successful.

And if anyone would be willing to teach my wife to drive I'd be forever grateful.
06 April 2011 @ 09:03 pm
This is exactly why information should not be released into the public domain until the figures have been finalised - it's a whole lot of bother about nothing which Quentin Letts will endeavour to use to make it appear as though his intense, irrational hatred of me is somehow based on fact. Ridiculous. Farcical. Preposterous.

And no, just to make this absolutely abundantly crystal clear, I most certainly will not be getting Twitter any time in the immediate future.
28 February 2011 @ 07:10 pm
Stop email, posting, leaving copies in my office of this:

I've got the message loud and clear, thank you.
Current Mood: annoyed