02 December 2012 @ 11:22 am
*With Sally back on twitter John thinks it can only be a matter of time before they have to downsize again to pay for legal fees. He hopes her return with distract from the blasted Private Eye parody account but doesn't hold out much hope. Instead, he focuses on flicking through the property pages of the newspapers in an attempt to find a new, cheaper home, should they need it.*

*A large box of Roses chocolates is empty on the table next to him, the colourful wrappers strewn all over the floor. John reaches for the new box of Celebrations as he turns the page.*
15 November 2012 @ 05:44 pm
*John and the children are on their way to see Peter and The Machine. With Sally busy talking to her lawyer, it seemed like a good idea to get out of the house and let her sort things out by herself. With a letter due soon, the more preparation, the better. John would offer to help, but he's spending most of his free time trying to convince large swathes of the media and population that he's not "a bully" who is "interfering" and "forcing people out" at all.*

*With all that happening at home, a nice little trip to see The Machine would hopefully distract the children and tire them out so John and Sally can get back to saving their reputations - and jobs.*

*Peter is waiting for them when they arrive. Freddie, as usual, run to greet Uncle Peter, while Oliver attempts to act cool. Jemima, meanwhile, seems to be fascinated with some part or other of The Machine and John has to carry her away from the buttons.*

Hello, Peter.
28 March 2012 @ 08:03 pm
A few Tweets taken out of all possible context and proportion does not constitute a story, or at the very least it shouldn't; my wife and I are in total agreement on this point, I think you will find.
18 February 2012 @ 06:24 pm
Another complete and utter non-story doing the rounds, but it is nice to be back at home.
22 November 2011 @ 07:56 pm
*Comes back downstairs from putting children to bed*
*Logs onto computer*
*Checks Sally's Twitter feed*


*Heads off to kitchen to get self a glass of wine*
22 October 2011 @ 07:58 pm
My personal feelings have absolutely nothing to do with this and, as per usual, I will do what is in the interest of Parliament and the nation as a whole.

Be that as it may, certain other rumours are true to an extent, yet I will not have anything to do with them.

Why, Sally? Why?!?!?
12 August 2011 @ 07:36 pm
I will be going into hiding back on holiday for a while.

Why, Sally? Why?
05 August 2011 @ 09:09 am
As those of you that follow my wife on the Twitter-sphere-thing will no doubt be aware by now, the family and I are taking a short break in Devon this year. As such, I will be unable to be contacted until further notice. If anything of importance arises in my absence, feel free to leave a message and I will be sure to get back to you in as short a time as possible.

I would just like it noted that certain rumours about my wife and a particular television show or comments that she is giving 'serious' thought to such suggestions will not be classed as important and as such will not receive a timely reply.
12 June 2011 @ 12:53 pm
 Yes, Sally, I do remember Derek, but that's no reason for you to-

It was one piece in a publication I've only very recently described as a "sexist, racist, bigoted, co-

I'm more annoyed with the picture from the 2001 campaign to be perfectly frank, Sally, since I am sure that I asked for those to be-
I do believe everyone accepts that I and my views have changed significantly since my days in the Monda-

No, Sally, please don't do anything unwise.

Sally, step away from the computer.

No, Sally.


You didn't need to do that, Sally, it's not going to even remotely help anything. Just ignore him and he'll go away soon enough.
02 June 2011 @ 07:26 pm
I spend a few days out of the country on business and we need to have the 'no more Twitter' discussion again...
27 April 2011 @ 01:44 pm

I try and organise a nice evening out and you feel it pertinent to go and tell the world the identity of our babysitter? Why, Sally? Why?
06 April 2011 @ 09:03 pm
This is exactly why information should not be released into the public domain until the figures have been finalised - it's a whole lot of bother about nothing which Quentin Letts will endeavour to use to make it appear as though his intense, irrational hatred of me is somehow based on fact. Ridiculous. Farcical. Preposterous.

And no, just to make this absolutely abundantly crystal clear, I most certainly will not be getting Twitter any time in the immediate future.
31 March 2011 @ 09:35 pm
I have been a bit odd lately - being happy and acting in a competant manner and so on - and Sally has managed to stay out of the spotlight recently - that successfully small interview, refusing to publicly comment on the book - maybe I should get her a gift...

Oh, maybe I could get an Eddy Stobart lorry named after her, I know she'd like that...

5 year waiting list, hmm?

Well, I suppose I could put her name down on the li-

...She wants one as a memorial?

A little unconventional, but I suppose we could always put it in the wi-

...And the suggestion results in crude innuendo. Marvellous.
Flowers it is, in that case.