*John has moved the tea and biscuits away from the sleeping form of Peter Mandelson and covered him with a blanket. He's kept the children at bay by sending them to bed early and has switched the sound off on the television, replaced by subtitles. When the phone rings, John rushes to it as fast as he can, so as not to wake the sleeping Peter.*

Hello, John Bercow speaking.

"Where the hell is my brother, Bercow?"

*It takes John a moment to realize who is on the other end of the line.*

...Oh! Miles, hello! Peter's right here - he's fallen asleep on the sofa before Question Time even started, never fear. I've put a blanket on him and-

"He's what? Wake him up and send him back here immediately."

Really, Miles, there is no need to worry, he's done this numerous times in the past.

"Yes, and those times he wasn't recovering from an opioid addiction nor was he trying to regain his health after being a werewolf for two months and covered in bedsores!"

That- that is all very true, Miles, of course, but-

"Listen to me, you jumped-up, undignified little shrimp of an excuse for a man, send my brother home now."

*John, indignant as ever, begins to argue back. Forgetting that Peter is sleeping just a few feet away, it is not long before he is yelling down the phone at the man's older brother, waking Peter from his nap.*