bamfbercow
22 May 2012 @ 04:19 pm
*As soon as Bercow finishes in the chamber, he makes his way back to the flat, nodding at the relevant officials on his way*

Come on, John...

*John gets back to the flat and locates the brooms before the children arrive home. He puts the brooms against the wall, deflecting their questions and sorts out dinner. Once they have all eaten and talked about their day, John sends them to their rooms to sort out homework. John returns to the kitchen, washes up and puts the kettle on.*

Text from 078## ######

Peter,

Dinner is complete and the children sorted if you wish to engage in your first refreshers lesson.

-John
 
 
 
bamfbercow
27 April 2012 @ 12:47 pm
In case any honourable or right honourable members are interested, my wife and I are taking part in Stonewall's Equality Walk in Brighton on May 6th to raise vital funds to tackle homophobic bullying in Britain’s schools. If you wish to donate, our JustGiving page is here.

Along similar lines, I am giving a lecture regarding international LGBT equality and human rights on the 16th of the same month for The Kaleidoscope Trust. Tickets are available here for any and all interested parties.
 
 
bamfbercow
18 February 2012 @ 06:24 pm
 
Another complete and utter non-story doing the rounds, but it is nice to be back at home.
 
 
bamfbercow
17 February 2012 @ 10:00 am

*Surrounded by packets of Jaffa Cakes and half-empty mugs of tea, Bercow - clad in a pink bathrobe with tea stains down the front - snores loudly, a red envelope with the word "Sally" written across it clutched in his hand*
*Bercow murmurs in his sleep and begins to turn restlessly until he sits bolt upright, fully awake*

Sally!

*He looks around the room, but Sally isn't there - in Wales with the children visiting Paddy, he remembers. John falls back onto the bed and realises he's still holding the Valentine's Day card he didn't get to give his wife before he flew off to give speeches.*
*John picks up his phone and checks through Sally's Twitter feed then goes to put the kettle on. Without thinking, he slips the card into the pocket of his dressing gown and heads off to the kitchen area of the hotel room to make another pot.*

 
 
bamfbercow
I do believe I have just about managed to persuade my son that his own throne is more than adequate for conducting his birthday business and does not need to sit in the chair of the House. He did look rather sweet with a blanket wrapped around him pretending it was a robe, though, I must say. He also seemed to enjoy his presents and after a busy day in the chamber I can look forward to jelly and ice-cream covered children running about the place as I attempt constituency work.
 
 
bamfbercow
22 October 2011 @ 07:58 pm
My personal feelings have absolutely nothing to do with this and, as per usual, I will do what is in the interest of Parliament and the nation as a whole.

Be that as it may, certain other rumours are true to an extent, yet I will not have anything to do with them.

Why, Sally? Why?!?!?
 
 
bamfbercow
05 September 2011 @ 09:22 am
Peter,

My wife is parading round on a television show despite my best efforts, and given that it's the first day back I need you to look after the children. Oh, and by the way, Freddie's turned into a fox and is hiding under the car.

John
 
 
bamfbercow
26 August 2011 @ 10:03 pm
I have been informed, since I quite obviously do not watch such shows myself, that my darling wife will be returning home shortly. While of course I respect her decision to go into the Big Brother house and hope she had a wonderful time, I will be pleased for us all to be back home together once again.
 
 
bamfbercow
05 August 2011 @ 09:09 am
As those of you that follow my wife on the Twitter-sphere-thing will no doubt be aware by now, the family and I are taking a short break in Devon this year. As such, I will be unable to be contacted until further notice. If anything of importance arises in my absence, feel free to leave a message and I will be sure to get back to you in as short a time as possible.

I would just like it noted that certain rumours about my wife and a particular television show or comments that she is giving 'serious' thought to such suggestions will not be classed as important and as such will not receive a timely reply.
 
 
bamfbercow
27 June 2011 @ 08:45 pm
 
S-Sally, I don't think Oliver spilling his dinner quite warranted that level of-

No, no, no, no, no! I-I'm sure giving up smoking is very difficult indeed, its merely that-

Of course it's got nothing to do with that! You were- were fine on Wall of Fame the other-

I-I mean, more than fine. Better. Better than fine. Good. Great! You were-

Of course not, Sally, you were quite clearly the most attractive-

Gah! Sally! P-put the cushion down and- and I'll take the children away for a few days so you can have some peace and quiet until you calm do-

No! You're being perfectly rational and-
 
Of course I don't want to stop the children seeing their teachers on strike! It's- it's -it's a v-vital part of-
 
I-I'm trying to help, my dear, just t-tell me what I have to do and-
 
ARGH! Very well! I'll clean it up! You go for coffee and-
 
...No, Freddie, everything is fine. Mummy's just tired. She'll be back nice and calm in a short while. How about making her a nice card in the meantime, hmm? ...Yes, I'm sure dinosaurs would be an appropriate theme. What about sticking some of those shells we picked up from the beach and cleaned the other day? Yes, yes, I'll get them for you - why don't you go and get your brother to help you, there's a good boy?
 
 
bamfbercow
 Ah, come about 9 o'clock tonight it will be two years in the Speaker's chair, although I don't quite subscribe to Sally's view of my election victory - I think it was more than the impression 'wot won it', so to speak. I do rather like the badge though, but I fear it may not be deemed appropriate attire for the chamber.
 
 
Current Mood: nostalgic
 
 
bamfbercow
06 May 2011 @ 09:35 pm
Oh goodness, poor Oliver is still most upset. No matter what Freddie makes fly or all the sparks he shows him or offers of taking him on the broom, he's still won't cheer up, poor thing. Sally's putting a brave face on it, but poor Oliver... I suppose someone will be reading dinosaur themed bed time stories for quite a while.

On the other hand, Jemima won't stop giggling.
 
 
bamfbercow
10 April 2011 @ 01:42 pm
 
The usual pointless rubbish in The 'Mail and nothing to worry about in The Independent; with that and Sally campaigning in Glasgow for a few days, it appears that, at last, I can have a nice relaxing end to the week with the children. Magnificent!
 
 
 
bamfbercow
18 March 2011 @ 08:20 am
Ah  
The Mail is back to hating me, the boys are causing senseless destruction... it seems like everything is back to normal at last.
 
 
Current Mood: relieved
 
 
bamfbercow
13 March 2011 @ 06:47 pm
I come back from taking Freddie out for his first lesson and what do I find? Jemima, surrounded by Oliver's toys and the contents of the doll house resembling some sort of Disney-themed horror film.

I'm just going to pretend it's Sally playing a joke and leave it at that.
 
 
bamfbercow
23 February 2011 @ 10:29 pm
You ask your other half to stop talking about underwear on the internet and suddenly you're the anti-Christ!

I swear Jemima's going to grow up thinking that men only ever sleep on sofas...
 
 
bamfbercow
20 February 2011 @ 03:10 pm
With hindsight, telling Sally that Oliver is more likely to ride his bike if she stopped 'screeching like a banshee in a bingo hall' wasn't the best of ideas...
 
 
bamfbercow
19 February 2011 @ 05:58 pm
Good Lord, did everyone decide to take their children to the Natural History Museum on the first day of half term? At least Oliver enjoyed himself, even if I didn't.
 
 
Current Mood: tired